Friday, 13 September, 2002 @ 11.57pm GMT
Posted by Aneurin
Summer Music Special - Part 1!
Hey there kids, and welcome to the OI OI DEEJ Summer Music Special! In case you hadn't noticed, it's summer, me lil pop piccolos and what better way to celebrate the fact that it will be gone in a matter of days than a comprehensive round-up of some select summer records. So without anymore further diddly-do, let's get this bandwagon a-rollin!
Appleton - Fantasy
Bet it took them ages to come up with that name eh? The Appleton sisters, Nicole and Natalie have been keeping themselves quite famous in the likes of Heat magazine by getting famous boyfriends, which would explain how they got a new record deal after the unceremonious disintegration of All Saints. Apparently, this new record will take them into a new, 'more serious' direction than the aforementioned four-piece. In addition, they also tell me that they get on fine with the other former members and that they are still 'good pals'. Glad to hear it girls!
Pop fact: The Appletons (and that other girl) once made an atrocious gangster-themed Brit-flick directed by none other than Dave Stewart out of the Eurythmics. What the fuck was all that about?
Holly Valance - Down Boy
More 'kebab-pop' from the former Neighbours vixen, Holly Valance. We're all big fans of the artist formerly known as Flick Scully on this site. Some people like to call Holly the new Kylie Minogue, but don't say that to her face because she's very much her own woman, whilst at the same time respecting the strides forward Ms. Minogue has made in women's rights and smash hit Euro-disco records. Australian and British readers, did you see Holly's dramatic Neighbours exit this week? Neither did I, Neighbours is boring since they got rid of Stonefish. He was rock.
Pop fact: Holly follows in the tradition of Robert Palmer in that all her videos look the same.
Las Ketchup - The Ketchup Song
Mmm, yeah. I really like summer records, and Duffman is thrusting in the direction of this song because he knows it's going to be the biggest hit of the year. I must admit one of my guilty little pleasures (apart from exposing myself at Catholic girls schools) is songs like this. Mr. Data, set course for nonsense lyrics, catchy choruses and hand movements you have to learn if you don't actually like being bullied at school, or the office for that matter. Like its spiritual predecessors the Macarena and DJ Otzi, this song has already been to number one in about 172 countries and if you've been on holiday anywhere around the Mediterranean this summer, you'll already be heartily sick of it. Well good news kids, its coming here fast, like Godzilla summer pop madness!
Pop fact: One of these girls looks just like Mandy the assassin from 24, I'm not sure which one though.
Pink - Just Like A Pill
I like this, reminds me of when I had a headache once and had to take an aspirin or three. Unfortunately, no-one told me you couldn't drink on them in those days. The police picked me up running down the middle of the motorway at 5am with no pants on. Happy memories. Have you seen the video to this? I reckon this girl has got some talent certainly, but she needs some sort of gimmick to make her stand out from the crowd. Maybe if she dyed her hair pink, that would be both eye-catching and a symbol of rebellion against our oldsters-ruled society. Fight the power, man. Kids make love while grown-ups make war. She also looks a bit like the Geordie girl from Pop Idol losers Liberty X. Best do something about that, love.
Pop fact: Pink's real name is Pam Butcher; she had to change it when she became famous to distinguish her from the venerable Eastenders harridan and chose Pink because she has a psychological aversion to primary colours.
Be sure to look in tomorrow for part two of our Summer Music Special! Or next week at least, you know how it is sometimes.
Thursday, 12 September, 2002 @ 11.59pm GMT
Posted by Floorgasm
Epileptic ordered to pay £3,500 for contorted face
A man who suffers from epilepsy has been ordered to pay compensation to a student who was upset by his contorted face during a seizure.
In a case described by an epilepsy charity as "like something you would see on the Ally McBeal show", Edwin Young has been told to pay £3,500 to Yvonne Rennie for the mild post-traumatic stress that she suffered.
Mrs Rennie sued after Mr Young suffered an epileptic fit while driving four years ago and crashed into her car at traffic lights in Perth.
Is it me or are people suing for even more ridiculous reasons these days? Surprisingly, it wasn't an American this time.
Roadmen paint badger
Lazy road workers painted a white line straight over a dead badger. The animal's body was lying by the side of a main road as the new lines were being marked out. Instead of moving it, workers painted a white stripe over its back.
Passer-by Chris Crab-tree took these photos of the callous act on the A361 near Frome, Somerset. The salesman, 58, said: "I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I had driven over the county border into Somerset when I noticed it. They had painted over the badger where it lay."
A month ago, workmen painted yellow lines around a traffic cone and now they're painting over dead badgers? Is it really that hard to kick it aside? Lazy bastards.
Duct Tape Wall Tapings
- Thought plastic wrap pr0n
was weird? At least we're not taping people to the wall like these guys.
- An online football management game - probably only interesting to Brits and anyone else into their football (soccer).
- A simple shoot-em-up where you have to recover the three parts of an experimental laser from the South American jungle and make it to the extraction point alive.
When Office Supplies Attack
- Laptops, printers, photocopiers, pens, bins, Post-it notes, paperclips, sieves (why they would be in an office beats me), they're all there.
Wednesday, 11 September, 2002 @ 7.50pm GMT
Posted by Aneurin
Big sack for Ronald
Ronald McDonald may have finally had his chips - after 39 years. Bosses of the burger chain - famed for its Big Mac - fear the flame-haired clown no longer cuts the mustard with kids. Now they are said to be considering sacking the character who first appeared in ads in 1963.
The global firm claims Ronald is the world's most recognised figure after Father Christmas. But an advertising executive consulted by McDonald's over a possible image makeover said: "I think they are having serious concerns about him now. He is over 30 - he is a clown from another era. He is an icon, but dated. The kids have moved on.
About time too. I've always thought Ronald McDonald to be a rather scary figure, even before I first saw 'It
'. So I for one won't be sorry to see the back of the burger pusher. I imagine that this guy
will be even more glad to see the effete clown retire too.
Blunder hits 24 DVDs
- 24 DVDs in recall. Apparently they contain extra footage not seen in the UK version. Why anyone would want to return them is beyond me. Maybe these ones contain the rumoured secret ending where Jack wakes up to find it was all a lazy summer dream, and that he was never a spy in the first place.
- A Jerry Seinfeld film? Hoochy mama!
- Barely believable stacking skills. I think it's legit, but judge for yourself.
- This is going to be the next big retro thing (after Transformers) so get back up to speed about which one was Wily-Kit and Wily-Kat. Then go and impress your mates down the pub. Except that they won't really be impressed, and just think you're a twat, you Atari T-shirt wearing, Bacardi Breezer drinking, Nathan Barley scum. Beware of the crappy music on the first page. Also contains some amusingly bad fan art
Tuesday, 10 September, 2002 @ 10.54pm GMT
Posted by Aneurin
"Why have so many journalistic outlets featured stories of guys in fur suits having sex? Because it is new, exciting, and the general public is bored with the same old thing. Gay is hot, fur suit sex
is even hotter."
Is it just me, or has one of the most striking consequences of mass internet usage been that your normal garden variety weirdo, who was previously very happy being weird in the comfort of his/her own home, now feel compelled to share their obsession with the public at large. Honestly, can you imagine these people taking out an ad in the local paper asking for participants in this travesty of the mind? Last week, your esteemed host Floorgasm was telling us about the folk who like to have sex with their animals. Thinking now, I honestly cannot decide which is the most horrific. Actually, I can. It's this one. The animal fuckers may be horny freaks, but at least they are not so deranged as to have sex with someone wearing an animal costume. What the hell is the fascination with screwing what appears to be a six foot tall fox?
From the site FAQ:
Do you sell modified fursuits?
"Yes, we will be auctioning off our fursuits that have been in movies. You will have the opportunity to buy a suit that has been used in a video for your own fantasy good times. Expect the price range to be from $500 to $1000 for a full suit - the price depends upon the quality of the suit itself."
Now I don't really want a full sized animal suit in any case, but if you did, would you really want one that had been used to make gay porn?
One more thing, why does it have to be gay anyway? I've nothing against gays, but you wouldn't think that these 'Fur Suit Fetishists' would get to be so fussy.
Tuesday, 10 September, 2002 @ 1.04am GMT
Posted by Floorgasm
Swedish call for all-day porn
A Christian Democratic politician running for a seat in Sweden's parliament called for porn to be broadcast on television all day every Saturday in order to help boost the population and thereby the economy.
Teres Kirpikli, a municipal councillor in the southern town of Skoevde, said pornography was the best way to get couples to have more sex and procreate.
"I want erotica and porn on television every Saturday, all day. Then people would feel like having more sex. I think most people like porn, even though they don't want to admit it," she said in a statement.
Why can't we have politicians like this running for Parliament? Instead, we get the likes of glamour model Jordan
going along for the publicity and pledging free plastic surgery for all. Your tits are big enough as it is, love.
A.C. & Patio Bubble Cams
- Turn on the light to annoy A.C. the cat while he sleeps or activate a 30 second blast of bubbles onto the patio. Yes, I'm easily amused.
Alan Greenspan Teen Dream Site
- "Are you like me? Do you sit at home and watch MSNBC just hoping for a glimpse of the Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan. And when he does come onscreen, couldn't you just die? Sometimes, I don't know which I want more...to see Alan or to get my first period." That, coming from a guy, is disturbing.
- I didn't know ogres existed in real life. It looks like she's going to devour that poor, defenceless (and pretty hot-looking) chick standing next to her.
How To Cook An Alien
- What with them coming here uninvited and eating Elvis, they deserve to be eaten. Also included are helpful tips on catching your alien and skinning it.
Saturday, 7 September, 2002 @ 4.52pm GMT
Posted by Aneurin
"All we wanted were two Big Macs - but they gave us wet dishcloths instead"
A couple are claiming they were ridiculed at a fast food drive-thru because they are gay.
Effie Freebody, 32, and Cheryl Kirk, 28, of Patrington, near Withernsea, say they went to McDonald's at St Andrew's Quay on Saturday night and ordered Big Macs. But instead of burgers, they were given a bag of dirty rags and cloths - and Ms Freebody insists it is because they are gay.
To be honest the dishcloths are probably better for you. And wet dishcloths? Is that some anti-gay signal or something? Hardly ranks alongside burning crosses if it is. A McDonald's spokesman was unavailable for comment but if he had, he might have said: "Sweetie, I just love what you've done with your hair, you bitch! And sorry about the dishcloths too."
Best British Blog
- Bloggers! Enter this competition, win cash prizes! But apparently this bloke
thinks it's a "stupid bloody idea". Best not enter then.
- Awesome space simulator. After a small download, you can explore the entire universe. And it's free! Pity there's nothing to shoot at though.
Tomb Raider 2
- In production. Hollywood rewards failure with sequel. I think that dead horse just moved again.
Vote for your favourite Pop Idol
- Pop Idol Wars! Vote for who you think is best Pop Idol winner - Will Young, or American Idol champion Kelly Clarkson. Then again it might just be the BBC trying to generate a bit of false controversy considering that probably the only person who has seen both series is 'Smackdown' Simon Cowell himself. But I imagine that won't stop idiots sticking their oar in. As usual.